I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
