I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
