It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
