He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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