Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
