She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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