our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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