I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize