My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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