adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize