Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
