Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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