for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
