My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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