just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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