Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
