I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
