After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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