oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
