these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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