why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
