tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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