If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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