I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
