Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
