There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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