There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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