can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize