Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
