I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
