suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
