I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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