Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just gift wrapped bread.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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