I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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