i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
