I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
