He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
