I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
