literally had 100 drinks last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
