It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
