Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
