I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
