ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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