I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
