i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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