party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
