yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
