Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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