Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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