you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
