I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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