How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
