Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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