So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
