remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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