My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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