She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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