i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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