I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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