i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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