so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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