For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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