just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The uberlube is also flammable
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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