My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize