Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize