Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
