His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize