so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
