i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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