I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
