The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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