An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
