there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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