so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
